[even though I know I don't.]
"yes, mom, I'm happy"
[sometimes..]
"YES, MOM, I EAT. I don't think I'm fat. I'm not trying to lose weight. Yes, I agree that I'm beautiful."
[actually, I'm a large ugly cow in dire need of some starvation.]
"He's just a friend.."
[with benefits?]
lies, lies, lies. Every line in that is a lie -- whether I'm lying to my mother or to myself. Why? Have I really become this crazy unstable compulsive liar addicted to attention and sleeping with boys? No. I may have gone through an interesting couple of weeks..I am better than that. I am better than to ever think such thoughts about myself. I deserve the fucking world..and you know what? I'm going to go out there and get it.
WHY?
why the sudden change of heart? Why am I suddenly...ready, deciding, to make changes in my life? Because. I have realized I do not need to change who I am. I just need to change what I do. No more self-pity, no more scrutinizing imperfections, no more neglecting to take responsibility for my actions, no more lies. No. More. I'm better than that.
